Yesterday

Sometimes I'm nice. It happens to me
almost accidentally,
and it's always imprudent -
invariably an apology is what follows.
I understand there's always been someone
who's eager enough to confuse me with someone else,
someone they pictured to be
just like me, a lot nicer though.
And so from time to time
I let myself be assaulted
by that loneliness cliché.
Yesterday
I arranged a meeting at some bar
probably because I missed the alcohol.
The names of the people I called
are of no difference now that I've ceased
from entertaining the idea of having friends.
But when at the last moment
someone who just happened to come along
remembered it would be nice
if we changed the table bar
for a snooker table
suddenly it came back to me,
why I much prefer to be on my own.

After some difficult years of uncertainty
- all that time wasted
building me a personality -
everything else seemed to fall appart
my patience also, and now I can't even bare
to participate in social activities
where conversing is just an advent
resulting as a second effect
from us taking non-prescribed painkillers.